What the Doctor Ordered
by SarahTonin
Summary: Kiki Honda's anxiety has been slipping through the cracks. She was sent to the psychiatric office of Dr. Jason Karpusi by her boss in order to get some help. Kiki wants nothing more than to just push through it and get back to work, but with Dr. Karpusi, she might just learn what she really needs. Genderbent characters. Giripan. Fem!JapanxGreece. Changed some names.
1. Chapter 1

I really didn't know why I was here. I shouldn't be here. I'm not the kind of person who goes to places like this. I was more than uncomfortable. The chair was hard. I wringed my hands together. Couldn't I just go back to work?

"The doctor will see you now, Miss Honda," the secretary smiled at me. My eyes darted around the room. She had to say my name out loud? I was the only one there, but what if others could hear? I shot up nervously.

"His office is down the hall and to the left," she continued sweetly.

I looked down and nodded. "Thank you," I said under my breath. Oh no, what did she think of me? A person like me in a place like this. Normal people didn't go to places like this.

I went down the hall and found the room to the office. I stood outside of the open doorway.

Dr. Karpusi was sitting at his desk looking over some papers. He looked busy. It would probably be best if I just left.

"You can come in, Miss Honda," he said. His voice was calm and low, much like you would expect from a psychiatrist. His hair was brown and a little unkept. He was young, too. He wasn't wearing a tie, and the top few buttons of his white shirt were kept open under his black jacket.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

He looked up at the sound of the door closing. His eyes were strange color green, sort of like those old green glass shards you'd find by the beach.

"Would you like to sit down?" He asked. I followed his eyes to the couch to the side of the room.

"I-I'm fine," I muttered.

"You sure? It's a really comfortable couch," he said.

I nodded.

"Then, you won't mind if I take it?"

I shook my head.

"Good." He got up from his desk. He went to the couch and reclined on it. "It can be so exhausting to sit behind a desk all day," he exhaled. His arms lifted up to rest his hands behind the back of his head.

This man didn't really seem like a professional. Why was I sent to him?

"You can sit at my spot if you want," he offered. "Seeing as you let me have yours."

I hesitated before I took another step into the room. I really didn't know how these things went, but this didn't seem like the usual thing. I just wanted it to be over with. I went to the end of the room and sat behind his desk.

"There. That wasn't so hard, was it?" he said.

I didn't say anything. His desk chair was much more comfortable than the chairs out in the lobby. How could he work in a chair like this? I felt like the cushions were sucking me in.

"Do you know why you came here, Miss Honda?" he asked me.

My eyes flitted across his desk. His papers didn't seem to be in any logical order. A lint roller was on the edge closest to me.

"My boss sent me. Human resources decided I should seek counseling for severe signs of stress, anxiety, and over-work," I recited.

"But why do you think you should be here?" he asked.

I didn't say anything.

"Do you think you should be here?" he asked again.

Still nothing.

"Miss Honda, what was your purpose in coming here?" he said gently.

"I..." I started. "I needed you to sign off on a note that I came for counseling."

He held out his hand expectantly. I stared blankly for a moment and then quickly shuffled through my bag that hung from my shoulder. I found the paper and walked it over to him. I coupled the paper with a pen and placed them in his hand.

"Your hands are pretty," he said.

I was temporarily stunned as he scribbled something on the note. "Th-thank you," I stuttered.

"No problem," he said. He handed the note back to me with a smile. "It's my job to help people."

That wasn't precisely what I meant. I stared at the signature at the bottom of the page. Dr. Jason Karpusi.

"And that was all you needed, Miss Honda?" he asked.

"Yes. Sorry for taking so much of your time." I bowed slightly to him.

I immediately turned around and headed out the room. The note I needed was clutched in my hand. The secretary smiled at me as I passed by.

"Have a nice day," she said cheerily.

I couldn't say anything back. I couldn't even meet her eyes. I didn't need her pity. I just wanted to go back to work.

* * *

"Kiki, I thought you were going to take the day off."

I was in familiar surroundings again with familiar people and a familiar routine. My boss stood at the opening of my cubicle. She was tall, confident, and her blond hair was chopped off in a no nonsense pixie cut. After several years if working together, we were on a first name basis.

"I'm sorry, Monica," I said in a knee jerk reaction.

"It's nothing to be sorry about. I'm just worried. You need to get some rest," she said.

"I went to see him," I said vaguely. I knew she would know what I meant. I handed the note to her. The note with the signature from Dr. Jason Karpusi.

Her eyes read the note quickly. She sighed. "Alright. He says you're perfectly normal. Nothing wrong. That's a relief. Just try to take it easy, okay Kiki?"

The words didn't settle well in my brain. Perfectly normal? Is that really what I was? Perfect? Normal? I tried so hard to make it seem like there was nothing wrong, but...  
I had been staring at my hands as they rested on the keyboard for two hours straight.

* * *

"I see you're back, Miss Honda. Got another note for me to fill out?" Dr. Karpusi said with a gentle smile.

"I've got a few questions..." I said.

I came back. I can't believe I came back. Why would I do that? I wasn't required to come here anymore.

Dr. Karpusi got up again and went back over to his couch. He didn't lay down this time. He just simply sat with a huff.

"Fire away. We can take turns," he said.

"Dr. Karpusi..." I started. I didn't step near the couch. There was really no good way to start this. "Why would you say those things about me?"

His lips pursed together as he thought. He shook his head. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific."

"On the note, you wrote that I was 'perfectly normal,' 'nothing wrong.' Don't... Don't you think I'm crazy?" I asked.

"Why would I think you're crazy?"

"Because I went to see a psychiatrist," I practically laughed. "Sane people don't need a psychiatrist's help."

"Everybody needs somebody's help, psychiatrist or not," he said. "And I don't think you're crazy. I've seen enough crazy people to know you're not one. I am a psychiatrist after all."

He weaved his hands together. "It's my job to help people, Miss Honda. I want to help you, but I also want you to realize what sort of help you need. Have you been having any problems lately?"

"Everyone has problems," I qualified.

"Right." Dr. Karpusi nodded. "But what sort of problems does Miss Honda have?"

"You're the doctor. Aren't you supposed to tell me?" I was beginning to get flustered.

"We'll try a different question then." He leaned back. "What do you hope to gain? What sort of person do you want to be?"

"I just want to be happy," I blurted out. I immediately pressed my lips together. That was a stupid thing to say.

The room was quiet for a bit. With a soft grunt, Dr. Karpusi got up from the couch.

"That's a start." He got a pen from a cup that held various other writing utensils. He started to write something on a small notepad. He held the paper out to me from behind his desk. "Call this number anytime when you're ready to talk again."

I reluctantly made my way closer. I took the paper from him and sorted it neatly in my bag. I stood in front of his desk for a moment longer.

"Dr. Karpusi," I finally decided to say. "There was one more thing."

He looked up at me. His eyes met mine and held them there. "Yes, Miss Honda."

It took a few seconds before I could break away and say something. My eyes darted to the floor. "You had...said something about my hands, too..."

"Ah," he said. " I find that the beginning to any trusting relationship starts with being open and honest. I said your hands are pretty because they are, Miss Honda. Hasn't anyone ever told you what a beautiful woman you are?"

I could feel my pulse racing and my ears growing hot. "S-sorry. I should go. Thank you," I said. I turned around quickly and left the office. Why oh why had I said anything? Why did I go back?


	2. Chapter 2

I could feel it starting again as I walked down the aisle. I couldn't stop myself. I was thinking about how my cousin had just gotten married. To a veterinarian no less. They were spending their honeymoon in Thailand, and here I was in the store picking out dinner for one. It was more money efficient this way, I tried to convince myself. Sure, it seemed like I was buying a lot. I was only one person after all. I could keep the rest as leftovers. To a certain point. If it stuck around for too long, the food would go bad, and then everything would go to waste.

My mother had called me again this afternoon to remind me. Of the wedding that is. My cousin, May, had apparently called her to tell her how she was doing. I didn't quite believe that, but I didn't want to believe that my mother was the type to call a perfectly happy couple on their honeymoon. She could be interfering, but an international call across several time zones hardly seemed worth it. She just had to remind me how alone I was. But not lonely. I didn't have time to be anything like lonely.

When I got home to my little apartment, I decided to make a cup of tea. My hands were jittery. I just needed to relax and calm down before things got out of hand. I could take one night to relax, right? That's what people wanted me to do anyway...

The tea felt warm in my hands. I could feel them start to relax as the warmth permeated and settled my trembling. I sighed in relief. I walked over to my bookshelf and pulled down an old manga volume. I had been meaning to finish it for a while now, but things always seemed to be getting in the way. I flipped through the pages. Nothing seemed familiar. I had no idea where I was in the story. I searched desperately. I eventually had to close the little book. I'd have to start all over, and I really didn't think tonight was the night to do it. Just another thing to add on my never-ending mental list.

I wasn't exactly hungry, but I knew that I should eat something. I made myself a cup of ramen. I sat in front of the TV as I ate. The news was on. I could feel a heavy pit fill my stomach as I watched tragedy after tragedy. Horrible things happen to people everyday. What were my problems compared to others? Why should I be so worried? I had a job. I had a place to live. Neither were that great, but they were better than most. What gave me the right to be so unhappy?

No. No. I just needed to go to sleep. I could forget about everything then. I hadn't dreamed in forever, so there was nothing there to haunt me there. I got ready for bed. I went through all the motions: pajamas, brushing my teeth, the works. I crawled into my bed and settled under the sheets. I knew I was exhausted, so I should just fall asleep. That was the logical thing. That was the natural thing.

But I was scared. I was scared because sleep never came right away. I was scared of the thoughts that came before the black. Every night was like an existential crisis. Another day, and I still wasn't satisfied. What did I expect myself to do? Get a better job? I'd have to go to school for that. I couldn't afford something that expensive. I twisted around uncomfortably. My sheets wrapped and restrained me. What makes me think I could do better on the second go around anyway? I did everything I was supposed to do. I had a good job. What more could I expect to happen?

I could feel myself crying again. I took in an exaggerated gasp as I tried to hold back the tears. No. No. I had no right to be sad. There was no reason. I did the best I could, right?

I started bawling then. My cries were swallowed up by my empty, lifeless apartment. Was this really the best I could do? Was the best I could expect is to be miserable for the rest of my life? I had to be satisfied with this? I was sad, I was alone, I was...

I don't know what made me do it. Maybe I was just striving for the biggest change, the biggest shock to my system to get me out of this. I tore out of my sheets and raced towards the counter where I had wearily placed my stuff once I got home after another long day. I searched through my bag. Piled under a week's worth of work was a little paper slip. I hurriedly uncrumpled it and typed the number into my phone.

With the speaker pressed up against my ear, I could here the ringing as the call was going through. The more it rang the more I calmed down. I could just leave a message. Have the secretary schedule an appointment. It was just one more little talk. No big deal. In fact, as the receiver took longer to pick up, I felt like everything just might be okay for the night. I decided as soon as the machine picked up, I'd just hang up and try to handle another day.

"Hello?" The voice was low, tired, and cracked from sleepiness.

I froze. Someone actually picked up? But it was...two in the morning. This wasn't regular working hours!

"I'm so sorry! I...I didn't think anyone was going to pick up!" I apologized.

"Miss Honda?" The voice speculated. I heard a soft, muffled groan from the other side of the line. "You really took advantage of the 'anytime' part, didn't you?"

"Dr. Karpusi?" I was mortified. He had given me his personal number?! "I'm so sorry! I didn't know... I'll hang up now..."

"Wait, Kiki..." he said slowly as his brain tried to work around his quietness. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, um, it was nothing. It's really nothing..." I insisted.

"Doesn't sound like nothing..." he said.

I wiped at my face. Could he tell I had been crying? He could tell even over the phone?

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

I didn't say anything.

"What did you eat for dinner tonight?" he asked offhandedly.

"Why...why do you want to know that?" I pondered, side stepping his question with another question.

"Curiosity. You are what you eat, as they say," he said.

"I just had some tea and cup ramen," I said, still not understanding why he would need to know that. He was a doctor I guess, but I really doubt cheap ramen was the reason I was so unhappy. It wasn't the ramen's fault.

"Hmmm, the tea would explain why you called me so late. Caffeine will keep you up, you know..." I could hear him yawn.

"Really, Dr. Karpusi, I'm so sorry. I was just going to call to set up another time to see you, and..."

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Was that it? Sure, we can do that. How about tomor-tonight? Does that work for you?"

"Tonight? As in this evening?" That soon?

"At around six. You're off work by then, right?"

"Yeah, so..." I didn't expect things to get settled this spur of the moment. Things aren't usually that easy. "Should I just go by your office?"

"No. I'll meet you at N. 10th and Athens. You'll be able to make it?"

I nodded and then said into the phone, "Yeah."

"Great. It's a date. I'll see you later today, Miss Honda. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I said. I pressed the button to end the call. I don't know what I was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. Dr. Karpusi was a strange doctor, I'm sure, but there was a certain air about him.

I sighed and went back to bed. So, tonight had been another anxiety attack. At least it hadn't been at work again. This was getting out of control. The third one this week. The third night my thoughts terrorized me from going to sleep. I really wanted to get a handle on this, but...I just don't think I could face it in my own anymore. I didn't want to think I was losing it. I really didn't want to think I was going crazy. Maybe seeing this easygoing psychiatrist was the only way to keep my sanity. Afterall, after I talked to him, I was finally able to fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Decided to stay late tonight, Kiki?"

I stopped tapping my pen against my cup. Monica stood at the opening in the cubicle. The only light sources came from my desk lamp and the dim ceiling lights in the hallway. Even the light from Monica's office was out. I guess she was heading home. Monica always stayed late. She was the boss after all. I really had no good excuse.

"Yeah...I kind of have to meet someone later..."

Monica nodded in understanding. I needed a lot of mental preparation before I could put myself out there. Sometimes, that meant sitting by myself and not moving for a very long time. I needed to think of all the possible consequences to what I might say. It had taken ages before I could even feel comfortable calling Monica by her first name, and she was the person I considered my closest friend.

"I hope everything goes okay. Have a nice night, Kiki," she said and left me.

I sighed once she was gone. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say?

The place where I was supposed to meet Dr. Karpusi was apparently a restaurant called The Odyssey. I was a little bit worried. I had never really had much Greek food before. What if I didn't like it? What if the food was expensive and Dr. Karpusi ordered a lot? I'd pay for it, of course, but if it was too much my budget could get more strained than it already was.

"Kiki!" I heard someone call out. I was a little surprised to hear my name. My first name, that is. Dr. Karpusi was standing near the entrance to the restaurant.

"Th-thank you for meeting me on such a short notice," I said. It caught me off guard that he called me Kiki. I had just gotten used to him calling me Miss Honda.

"It's fine," he said. He looked at me and then smiled.

"What?" I said, self-conscious about the way I looked. I had come straight from work. Did I look weird? I didn't have sweat stains, did I? I was still so nervous.

"We match," he said, indicating to his own outfit. "But you look prettier than I do," he said to be polite.

He was wearing black slacks and a white button up shirt just like I was. In no way did I think we matched. He was lying if he could ever think that I looked better than him. I was uptight and rather plain. He was relaxed and sexy. His shirt had the first few buttons undone, revealing a hint of his chest hair. I could feel my face growing hot, and my gaze went to the ground. He was your doctor, Kiki. It's totally inappropriate and disrespectful to think of him like that.

"Do you want to go in?" he asked.

I could only nod. He went up to the maître d' and said, "I have a reservation for two under Jason Karpusi."

A reservation? Then, the food would be expensive. I could feel my palms clamming up.

"Hey," Dr. Karpusi said, breaking me out of my reverie. "You okay?"

He took my hand gently. Oh god, my hands were sweaty, but I couldn't bring myself to take my hand away. Did he notice?

I was silent. My heart was picking up its pace. After a moment of collecting myself, I just shook my head.

He squeezed my hand kindly and traced little circles on the back. He guided me to our booth. He let me get up on the cushioned seat before he went across the table and took his.

"It's a good thing we met today, then," he said. "It's not a good thing to keep things all bottled up."

"Dr. Karpusi..." I started.

"Jason," he said. "You can call me Jason. It's not like we're in the office after all."

"That's the thing... Why aren't we there?" I started to wring my hands together. This wasn't a normal thing, right? Why was I so different? "Why are we here?"

"I was getting the impression you didn't like my office very much," he said. He picked up a menu. "Not that I mind going out. I like a change in scenery every now and then."

"I'm sorry for being such trouble," I said quietly. I slowly hid behind the menu.

"Why would you say that?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"Well...you had to come all the way over here...just for me... You probably had to get out of work early... And you probably couldn't see any other people." My words were getting choked in my throat. "God, I'm so sorry!"

"Kiki, it's really okay," he said earnestly. "I come here all the time. I like getting out of work early, but I didn't today because I didn't have any patients scheduled this afternoon," he explained. "Everything's okay because I wanted to see you too."

My breath came in as a sniffle. I wiped at my eyes. "I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I'm being silly." I was practically crying in a restaurant for no reason. I must be so embarrassing.

"Do you know what you want to order?" the waiter came up to us. I panicked I hadn't looked at the menu yet.

"I'll just have water for now," Jason said.

"Uh, I'll have that, too," I said.

The waiter nodded and left us. I picked up my menu and scrutinized its contents. I couldn't be caught off guard again.

"Have you ever eaten here before?" Jason asked.

"No," I said.

"The lamb's delicious," he commented while I studied. "The gyros are good, too. It's not silly, by the way."

"Huh?" Where would I get the notion that gyros were silly? It was just a sandwich, right?

"It's not silly to be concerned about other people. It's really quite kind," he said.

I looked up and met his eyes. His green eyes were so relaxed and earnest. I could feel myself get pulled in, so I looked away in desperation.

"Well, it is when you get too concerned..." I said.

"Too concerned? As in..." he searched for the way to put this, "having feelings for someone?"

"No, no, um..." The misunderstanding had me blushing. The conversation was insinuating that I had feelings for him. "I'm talking about when you're worrying about something that isn't a big deal. When there are so many other things to worry about and you just get stuck on something so trivial. And worrying about something that doesn't even matter makes you feel even worse..." I couldn't explain more from there.

"And what constitutes something as not a 'big deal?'" he asked.

"You know...the things that other people don't worry about," I said.

"Ah, and what makes you think that others don't worry about those sorts of things?"

I couldn't answer him. It was always just a feeling that I was the only one who had to worry about absolutely everything.

"Everybody has problems they don't want to share with others. Even if someone seems perfect, even if it seems they have their whole lives under control, there's always something they worry about underneath."

This was nothing new. How many times had I told myself this before? People had problems and that was okay.

"Are you familiar with Greek mythology, Kiki?" he asked.

I nodded. "I've read a few stories."

He smiled. "You see, their gods were terribly flawed. They made mistakes over and over again, yet the Greeks worshipped them. The Romans imitated their gods after them. Those gods became the theme of enlightenment and they still hold influence over us today. In their myths, they had power, but because of their mistakes, because of their character, they are still revered today."

I shook my head. "I can't compare myself to a god," I stammered out.

He nodded. "You're right. You shouldn't be comparing yourself with anybody, mythical or otherwise. It's your character, not anyone else's. What you've gone through, what you worry about, who you care about is all unique and a part of who you are. They might not be the same as everyone else's, but that's what makes you a person worth knowing and loving."

My heart was beating faster, but not for the reasons I expected. My mind was getting away from me, but for once, it didn't push me to the edge of a breakdown. All I had left was an exhilaration I didn't know what to do with.

"Do you know what you'd like?" The waiter came back with our drinks.

I looked up at Jason. I don't know why my first thought had been him. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Both Jason and the waiter looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry, I'll just...have a Greek salad and a gyro please," I said belatedly. The truth is, I wasn't thinking about food. All I could focus on was Jason's smile.

* * *

"Really, you should have let me pay for it," Jason said as we walked out of the restaurant. The city was nearly deserted by now.

I shook my head as I put my wallet back in my purse. "I'm the one who asked you out here. I should be the one to pay."

"I should make it up to you then. I'll have to ask you out."

I nearly tripped.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He took my hand for the second time tonight to keep me from falling over.

"I-I'm fine." Did he really intend to say it like that? I don't think he meant to give me the wrong impression. My mind was just getting away from me again.

"There's this bar downtown I'd like to go to. It might actually help you to loosen up a bit." He had a gentle teasing smile.

I exhaled. So it really was just part of my treatment. I was a bit relieved to know, but a tiny bit disappointed that he really hadn't meant something more.

"Okay. When?" I'd have to remember to add it to my appointment book.

He smiled his breathtaking smile again. It's like all the air was pulled from me gradually like a seabreeze. "This Friday. 8 o'clock."

I nodded. I think I could remember that.

"Kiki, how are you getting home?"

I looked at my watch. It was late. The next bus wouldn't be around for a while. "I guess I'll have to take a taxi," I said mostly for myself.

Jason took his keys from his pocket. "I can give you a ride."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to be troublesome..."

"You're no trouble to me, Kiki," he insisted.

We got to his car in the tiny parking lot. I don't know what I was expecting. It was just a plain black sedan. I had imagined him driving a intimidating sports car, I guess. He was a doctor after all. But so far, he seemed to break all of my assumptions about psychiatrists.

Most of the drive was silent. I just told him where to turn to get to my apartment complex. I sat in his car a bit longer than intended to.

"Is something the matter, Kiki?" Jason asked.

"I just... I still just don't know what to do," I said.

His hand reached toward me and smoothed down my hair. Did I really seem that messed up? "Kiki, you'll be fine. Whatever you need to do will come to you. You just need to see things in perspective. You have people you admire, right? See what you can do to help them."

I don't see how that could do any good. How could I help them when I couldn't even help myself?

Jason ran his thumb across my cheek, and I nodded. He was my doctor after all. I could at least try.

I opened the car door and stepped outside. "Kiki, one more thing!" I heard Jason call out.

I looked back at him. "On Friday, I'll pick you up at 7:30, okay?" he said

I nodded again. Jason smiled. "Goodnight, Kiki."

"Goodnight, Jason."

He smiled and drove off. I called him Jason?! Why did I call him Jason?! It was his name, but he was my doctor! But he had called me Kiki. He had called me Kiki all night. And he wanted me to call him Jason, too. I guess it was safe to assume we were one first name basis now. But...but...it felt so guilty to feel that good just by calling a person by their first name.

I went up to my room, and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep right away. And this time, I dreamed.


	4. Chapter 4

The air was cool. A soft breeze played with the thin fabric that draped over my skin. Transparent curtains hung around me in pastel colors. The whole scene was very dreamlike. I sat up slowly as to not upset my delicate surroundings. The strap from my gown slid off from my shoulder. Where was I? I don't think I had ever been to this place before.

My fingers grazed the curtains. They were soft a cool like silk. I felt around for the edge. The curtains pulled easily away, no longer hindering the bright white space. I stepped down from the place where I had been laying. Long tables held all sorts of food. Who was it for? There was no way I could eat all of that by myself...

But something made me feel like I wasn't alone. I looked around. There was no one else in the room. There was a statue, though. It was one of the kinds from older times, where handsome, half-naked men were captured timelessly in the rock by the sculptors who created them.

I got closer. It really did seem lifelike. Maybe that was the reason I didn't feel so alone. The statue's hair was gently waving. His muscles looked firm and perfect. I reached my hand out to touch. The stone was cool and smooth.

My hand slid up his carved abs to rest on his chest. I examined his face. It almost looked familiar. I couldn't think from where. Another dream or an unbelievable reality?

His eyes blinked. The stone cold white was replaced by a serene green. His pupils dilated while they adjusted to the light. He looked at me.

I let out a squeak. I quickly removed my hand to cover my mouth. That was Dr. Karpusi, wasn't it? Why was I dreaming of Jason of all people? I took a few steps back.

"Do you desire me, goddess?" he asked. His voice was low and smooth. Color seeped into the rock as he came to life. He stepped down off of his pedestal and sauntered towards me.

I backed further away. "G-g-goddess?" Didn't he say something like that last time? Or just mythology? Is that why I was dreaming this?

I gave out another little squeal as the back of my knees hit the edge of the bed I had been laying on. I fell and was caught by the heavenly softness. I pushed myself up, trying not to let myself be prone and exposed. "I really think there's been a misunderstanding."

He raised an eyebrow. "But I only exist to serve you..."

"But..."

He placed his hands on either side of me. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The coolness had been replaced by sweet warmth. It was like sunlight and honey keeping me there at his lips. They moved and coaxed mine open, delivering sweet bursts of radiation to sink and smooth my very core.

He parted from me and left me speechless. I was breathing heavy, trying to get a grip back on myself.

"Do I not please you?" he asked, searching my face.

I was conflicted. On the one hand, I was having a dream. A strange one at that. What was my psychiatrist doing in my dream? We had only just met. Sure, I was attracted to him, but wasn't this a bit too soon to be advancing our dream relationship this far? I hardly even knew the man...

On the other hand, this was a dream. Dreams were the one place I could let my imagination run away with itself. And that had felt good. Addictingly good. Too good to let pass up. There would be no repercussions in the morning. And I was attracted to Jason. Really attracted to him.

I let my fingers find their way into Jason's hair. He took that as an invitation to kiss me again. As the honey seeped into me, I let out small little moans. Each time we parted, Jason didn't back off quite as far away. Soon, my back was to the bed. His fingers traced my shoulders, pushing the straps off.

I slid my arms out the rest of the way. I grabbed his face and kissed him past the embarrassment of what I just invited.

Jason handled it all so coolly. His fingers continued to trace down my body as he pulled my dress down with him. He stopped and let his hands rest at my hips. He transitioned from kissing my lips to my chin. I stifled another squeal with my hands as he kissed down the soft skin at my neck.

Once he got to my collarbone, his kisses got slower. He would kiss the same spots until my body tensed up and then slowly released itself from the pleasure of his touch. The further down he kissed, the tenser I got. The further down he kissed, the more pleasure he gave me. He kissed further and further down until the pleasure became a tension. An intense need. I grabbed for him. My hands searched for anything to keep him there to me, to keep kissing me.

His fingers gripped me tight. His fingers were practically fire as they pulled down my gown the rest of the way. And his kisses were still unhindered. Kissing further down. Kissing further into me. His kisses traversed between my thighs and then...

* * *

"Kiki?"

My reminiscent daydream was cut short as her voice startled me. My arms flailed out desperately as if by doing something I could somehow mask the dream last night that seemed to still stay with me even though I was awake. I ended up knocking over my pencil cup.

"Oh, did I scare you?" Monica said.

"I was...just thinking about something else..." I said. I could feel my face flushing. "Good morning and welcome back," I said my usual greeting.

"Thank you," she sounded tired. "What have I got lined up for today?"

"Um..." I opened up the tab for her appointment schedule. "Let's see. Looks like you haven't got any meetings until two. Just another general meeting with the board."

Monica sighed.

I looked up at her then. Something about her seemed a little different. Her posture wasn't as confident. Her shoulders slouched slightly as she made her way back to her office.

I thought back to what Jason had said. What sparked the crazy, embarrassing dream in the first place. Monica had always been the person I thought closest to perfect. She had always seemed to be so confident. Like she always knew what to do. She had already worked her way to a leading position in this company afterall. She probably had more stress than I did, and she always handled it all like a champion.

I don't know what I thought I was doing. It's not like I could do anything help. She was the one who suggested I get help.

I opened the door to her office quietly. Her head was rested in her hands. She looked up and wiped at her face.

"Oh, Kiki! Was...was there something else?"

Her eyes were red. She sniffled as she tried to compose herself. I quickly shut the door behind me.

"I'm really sorry for intruding, but...Monica are you okay?"

She held it together for all of about three seconds. "No...no, I suppose I'm not," she cried.

I was shocked. I had never seen her like this before. "Do...do you want to talk about it?" I offered. " I mean, it doesn't have to be right now." She didn't look like she could really get out anything coherent. "I'm just out there. At my desk. You could call me on my office phone..."

"It's Feli...he...he pr-proposed to me," she spluttered.

Feli was the name of Monica's Italian boyfriend. Short for Feliciano or something. They had started going out when I first started working with Monica, so about five years now? You'd expect she'd be this upset if they had broken up. I noticed she didn't have a ring on her finger.

"I just...I just blanked! I couldn't say yes! I just kept on coming up with reasons not to! Marriages don't last anymore anyway. If he wants to move, I don't want to let down the people here at the company. His family hates me..."

"What did Feli say?" I asked.

She sniffled. "He said it was okay if I thought about it some more, especially since I didn't say no. He just told me that he really really really really loves me." She sort of laughed at the last really.

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"More than anything. I'm just...so scared," she admitted.

I really didn't know what to say. If I were in this situation, I'd be scared out of my mind too.

"What would you do Kiki?" she suddenly asked me.

"I-I really don't think I have much to input..." I started, but the look on her face told me she desperately needed me to say something. "But, um, I guess I would feel lucky to have guy who would love me enough to spend the rest of his life with me. It seems like a pretty rare thing for a guy, or anyone really, to be brave enough to go out there and say I really don't know what's going to happen, but I really want to experience it all with you."

We were both quiet for a moment. The awkward silence made my palms sweaty.

"D-do you want me to cover for you today?" I asked. "I could keep people away and go to the board meeting for you to take notes."

"No, I wouldn't want to cause you any more trouble..." Monica started.

"Please, I want to do this for you..." I surprised both of us by saying that.

Monica blinked a couple of times. "Well, then thank you, Kiki. I'd really appreciate it." Her voice cracked.

I nodded once and then exited her office. The strange thing was even though I had almost doubled my workload, I didn't feel the crushing stress. It was almost like what I said was actually true. I didn't exactly want to do extra work. What I wanted to do was help Monica out. And that somehow made everything alright.

* * *

It was another long hard day. I ended up working through my lunch break and then eating a cereal bar at the meeting, but I suppose it was worth it.

Monica didn't come out until all the other people had left. Even I had gotten up and was gathering my things.

"Kiki?" she asked when it was time for her to go home.

I looked up at her. She looked a lot calmer now, though the old tears still stained her cheeks.

"I...I think I'm going to tell him yes," she said, a hesitant smile played at her lips.

I smiled back. "Congratulations. You'll make a beautiful bride."

"Thank you. Um... Kiki?" she asked with uncertainty. "I wouldn't want to cause you any more burdens..."

"What is it, Monica?"

"I'm probably getting way ahead of myself, but I don't exactly have a lot of friends. So, I was wondering if you'd..." She took a deep breath. "If you'd be my maid of honor."

I gave her a kind smile and nodded. "It would be an honor."

Monica smiled wider. "Thank you. Thank you so much." She started to walk away, but then she turned around.

"Actually, would you mind if I gave you a hug?"

"No, I..."

She didn't leave me much time to give her an answer. Soon, her arms were around me like a vice. I found I had let my arms wrap around her as well.

"You're a great friend, Kiki. You're always there for me," Monica said.

Really? Did I really leave such an impact on her? I was touched inexplicably.

"I've got to go," she said as she parted. "I've got a lot of things to plan."

"We've got a lot of things to plan. I am your maid of honor, after all."

She grinned and then smacked her hand against her forehead. "I've got to tell Feli!" She was practically giggling now, a stark difference from this morning.

"That's always a good place to start..." I said, but she was already walking briskly away. It was just me in the office.

I sighed. I was happy for her, really. I guess that was a start. Being happy for someone else.


	5. Chapter 5

I fidgeted with my skirt nervously. I looked up as I heard a car pass by. It wasn't Jason. I wondered if I had enough time to go upstairs. I shouldn't have put that much makeup on. I shouldn't have put any on at all. What was I thinking?

I knew what I was thinking, but it was ridiculous. Just one dream shouldn't give me false hope. It was only a dream. I shouldn't expect any more from this. He was just my psychiatrist.

I heard a car pull up in front of me. I peered through the window to see if it was Jason. A little wave told me it was him.

Oh god, I should have canceled. I didn't know if I could handle this. I couldn't back out now. I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, opened the car door, and slid inside.

"Hey," Jason said simply.

"Hey," I said back. Smooth, Kiki. Smooth.

"You ready to go?"

I took a moment to breathe and then nodded my head. "Yeah."

The engine revved as Jason made his way back onto the road. I started fiddling with my skirt again. From the corner of my eye, in could see Jason glancing over at me every so often.

"Do I look weird?" I asked tentatively.

"No," he said. "You look really pretty."

I blushed at the praise. I pushed my hair behind my ear. I shouldn't have said anything. He probably thought I was just fishing for compliments. He was just trying to make me feel better. I really couldn't tell if it did. I just got this sort of weird tension in my chest.

"Got a lot on your mind?" Jason asked.

"A little," I said. I didn't know where to start. I was thinking about a lot of stuff. Mostly him, but I knew I couldn't talk about my dream, no matter how prevalent it was in my mind.

"You don't have to be nervous, Kiki. Tonight, all you need to do is relax, okay?"

I nodded. His voice oddly calmed me. It was no wonder why he was a psychiatrist.

"Now..." Jason said as he pulled into a parking lot. He found an easy pull through space, turned, and smiled at me. "Let's see if we can get you loosened up."

I felt my heart beat faster as I managed to take that the wrong way. This was ridiculous. Jason just wanted me to open up more, that was all.

It wasn't hard to like a person like Jason. He was patient and willing to listen. The hard part at this point would be holding back.

* * *

"I was thinking about what you said," I said. I gripped a small glass of sake in my hand. The lights in the bar were dim. There was a constant hum of conversation bubbling in the background.

"Hmmm?" Jason questioned as he took a sip of his beer.

"About holding my standards too high and helping someone I admired," I continued.

"Oh?" Jason asked. "And how did that go?"

"Different...than I expected, at least," I said and took a sip of the warm alcohol. "My boss is now engaged, and I'm going to be her maid of honor."

"That sounds pretty good. Weddings are fun," Jason commented.

"Yeah, but..." I hesitated. "It just seems like...everyone I know is getting married now."

"Everyone? Really?"

"Well, not everyone," I clarified. "But it seems like I just can't get away from it. There's my boss, my cousin, my ex-boyfriend..."

"Ah," Jason said as he set down his drink. It looked like he had somehow figured everything out. Figured what out, I couldn't be too sure.

"Ah what?" I asked.

"Tell me about your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, Kiki. The one who just got married," Jason said.

"Um, well..." I tried to think of a way to put this. It's not like our relationship had been very typical. "We hit it off right away. We were best friends for a really long time. We were pretty different, but it never really seemed to matter. I really liked him, so I was really happy when he asked me out. Our relationship was great. I never felt like I was pressured into anything. And then one day... One day he told me that he couldn't do this with me anymore, that we just weren't compatible. He said we were much better off as friends." I gulped. "I was heart-broken when we broke up, but I let him go. There was nothing I could really do if he couldn't feel like that towards me, you know?"

Jason nodded in understanding. "Did you go to his wedding?"

I shook my head. "No. He invited me, but I didn't want to make things more awkward between us. He ended up marrying this guy I thought he hated, but I guess things just work out like that. I still keep in contact with them. He and his husband are doing fine. They're really happy."

Jason nearly spit out his drink. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he choked back his alcohol.

"Oh?" I questioned.

"You were dating a gay guy," Jason figured out.

I flushed and finished off my sake.

"Well, that explains a lot..." Jason continued.

"What does that explain?" I asked for clarification through the burning embarrassment.

"How long were you dating your ex?" Jason asked.

"A-about a year, but we knew each other a while before we started dating," I said.

"A year? Wow. Have you dated anyone since then?" Jason asked quickly.

I shook my head.

"Wow," Jason repeated. He ran his hand through his hair. God, he looked sexy...

"Kiki." I snapped back to reality before my mind could go wondering again. "I need to ask you a serious question."

I nodded. His green eyes looked determined to get the answer from me. I'd try to respond to the best of my ability.

"When was the last time you've had sexual relations?" he finally asked.

I could feel my mouth pop open as soon as he said sex. My face flushed. I filled my glass up to the brim with the sake, but my hands couldn't seem to stop shaking. "It's...it's been a while..." I answered.

"How long?" Jason pressed.

"How long?" Was he really asking me this?

He nodded. I could read the growing concern on his face.

"Um..." I took a sip. "I..."

"Kiki, are you a virgin?" Jason asked.

I chased my growing embarrassment with another shot of sake. I nodded.

"Oh, Kiki...I had no idea you had it so hard," Jason said. "Do you at least, you know..."

He took my inability to respond as a yes. "That's something, at least."

"W-well, what does it have to do with anything?" I asked. I was getting all awkward and flustered. He probably thought I was pathetic.

"Kiki, you've been feeling tense lately, right? Your self-esteem is shot, and you don't think you'll ever be good enough?"

I nodded. There was no trying to deny it.

"Then the solution is very simple," he said seriously. Jason took a gulp of his beer. "You need to get laid."

I don't know what happened. All I could remember was my face growing so red, and then it all sort of bubbled out. I was holding my sides and laughing uncontrollably.

"I'm serious." Jason grinned. "You need to get laid regularly and by someone who knows how to do it. It's an essential part of making your mind and body healthy. In my experience, having sex solves those problems 93% of the time."

"And do you have a lot of experience with these sorts of things?" I giggled out. I don't know what happened. My worthless feeling was replaced by something that was hard to recognize. I felt almost light-headed. Like whatever was wound up inside was sprung loose. It almost sounded like Jason actually wanted to sleep with me. But that was ridiculous, no matter how deep in my mind I wanted that to be true.

"Of course. I am a professional, Miss Honda," he joked.

"Well, it's too bad. It's not like I have a lot of guys wanting to sleep with me," I said, my laughter finally calming down. The high feeling sort of floated down and fluttered somewhere in my chest. "You're really not what I expected a psychiatrist to be."

"Oh? And what did you expect me to be?" Jason asked, a teasing tone still in his voice.

"You know." I waved my hand in front of me, dismissing the silly invisible notion. "'How does that make you feel?' and stuff. Ink blots. A long, slow, painful recovery of my sanity. I never expected you to make me feel this good this quickly." I could feel my control slowly slipping away. It was probably a combination of the alcohol and the look in Jason's eyes.

"I'm flattered," Jason said.

"It's not just that." I shook my head. "You make me feel really good." Wait, what was I saying? "Like, you're really nice. Super nice. And funny. And sexy..."

Jason laughed. "You think I'm sexy, Miss Honda?"

I nodded my head dramatically so he'd get the picture of how hot I thought he was. "Oh yeah. You're probably the sexiest, most attractive person I've ever met." Oh god, what was I saying? He probably thought I was insane. "Not anything like a boring, old psychiatrist."

"Well, I assure you I really am a psychiatrist." He was leaning closer. Was my depth perception that off already? He confirmed how close he was by gently grabbing my face. His lips shockingly met mine and moved slowly and passionately. The kiss was long and smooth, so I wrapped my arms around his neck, securing my dream to me. It was only when he broke apart the kiss that I realized how sweet my reality was.

"And how does that make you feel?" He asked in a low soft voice.

It felt so good I could almost cry. For a moment, all of the stupid things I said didn't seem to matter. I quickly drew him back to kissing me. I wanted more of him. I wanted him to make me feel as if nothing really mattered except kissing him. My fingers weaved their way through his soft, shaggy locks. He was more than happy to stay there with me.

After a few moments or few minutes, I really couldn't tell at that point, I felt Jason shift as he scooted off his barstool. A small whine of complaint escaped my throat as his lips grew slightly further away as he stood up. I was almost immediately placated as I felt Jason. I was already sitting sideways to the bar. All Jason had to do was subtlety slip my knees apart with his body. His hand eased the shock of his intrusion. It ever so slowly caressed its way up, slipping under my skirt. The folds of the cloth bunched up and collected on his hand. He broke the kissing off. My breaths were hitched. Nearly gasps by the time I felt his lips graze my ear.

"I don't live far from here. Do you want to take this to my place?" he whispered.

He kissed my neck right under my ear after he felt me nod. He took one of my hands from the back of his head and led me out of the bar. He may have thrown a few bills on the counter. I couldn't remember. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

* * *

We got in his car, but it didn't seem we were driving for long. Before I knew it, we were already stopped.

"You nervous?" Jason said as he undid his seatbelt.

I nodded. "In a good way," I assured him.

He reached over and kissed me again, slowing my heart down to a more manageable pace.

"I'll be right back," he said as he broke away quickly. He got out of the car and ran over to my side. He opened the door for me and helped me out.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. I liked the warmth of him around me as he held me around my waist.

"You sure you want to do this?" he asked me.

I nodded but looked down. My grip on him loosened slightly.

"Are you sure? I mean, i-it's my first time. I'm sorry. I'll probably be awkward...and I'll do things wrong..."

Jason started laughing. "Yes, I'm sure." He kissed me again and held me tighter. "Besides, it won't be your first time for much longer."

I let out a weird little squeak at the thought. Jason grinned. "That's cute. Don't worry. I'll be gentle," he assured me. He practiced his gentleness by planting soft kisses down my neck. "Now, let's get you inside. Wouldn't want your first time to be out here."

I could feel my skin burning at the very idea. It was a short elevator ride up to his apartment. He opened the door and led me to his bedroom right away without bothering to turn on any lights. Only from there did things start to slow down a bit.

His kisses became slower and more intentional. He paused more often to let me breathe. To let me gasp really, as his fingers went to the skin at my sides. My goosebumps were raised as he pulled my shirt over my head. He made things equal between us by pulling off his own. His skin was warm against mine as he pressed himself to me. His hands searched up my back until he found the clasp of my bra. He expertly pinched it apart and smoothed his hands down my back. My spine curved at the glorious sensation.

His kisses traveled lower to my chest as he let my bra slip off. Lips and tongue played across my breasts.

My hands didn't move as confidently or knowingly as his. I had no idea what I was doing. I planted my hands on his shoulders. They were wider and more muscular than I expected. My hands followed down to his biceps. I could feel his arms move as his hands pet my spine down.

He grunted something unintelligibly.

"What?" Had I done something wrong already?

"Bed," he grunted out again.

"Oh." I looked behind me, and there was his bed. This was his bedroom after all. It would only make sense.

I clumsily squirmed onto the bed, not quite sure how to present myself. Jason's hands were already on me pulling down my skirt.

Okay, calm down, Kiki. It was okay. It was alright. It's not like Jason was wearing any pants eith... Wait, when did Jason take his pants off?

Clarity suddenly shot through my head like a bullet. I wanted him. Jason's hands fingered me through my underwear. Shots of pleasure continued off as he worked me up. His fingers slipped though the side of my underwear and made direct contact.

"Jason!" I surprised both of us by moaning out loudly. Jason's eyes went wide, and half of a smirk appeared on his face.

"Okay, baby. Just give me a minute," he said. He rolled down my underwear and started yanking down his own. His erection popped free, sending my heartbeat to a frenzy.

"J-Jason!" I said desperately.

"Kiki, honey, you're making it very hard for me to go slow for you," Jason said. He lined himself up over me and started kissing my shoulders.

"C-condom!" I said.

"Hmmm?" he said into my skin. He lifted his face up. I was concerned by the dizzy, confused face he gave.

"I'm not on any pills and..." I tried to explain quickly. I didn't want him to stop, but...

"Oh right," he said lazily. His arm reached over to the drawer by his bed. As he stretched, his cock kissed against me, sending a squeal through my throat.

He ripped open the square package. He pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it over his member.

"We good?" he asked me breathlessly. I nodded, so he lined himself back up. "You can grip me as hard as you like, okay Kiki? Ready?" I couldn't stop nodding. I wrapped my arms firmly around his back. It wasn't enough. As soon as he plunged inside, I was looking for better purchase. My hands searched up and down his back, but it was slick. It really only made things worse.

"No!" I cried out.

"No?" Jason's head whipped up. "But I ..."

"No, keep going!" I said to clear up the misunderstanding. I had to be careful. I knotted my hands in his hair to pull him back to me, reassuring him about my need.

This was much better. His locks were an easy way to keep my grip as he slid in and out in and...

"Ah!" I screamed out. My arms were shaking, but I gripped tighter in Jason's hair. Wave after wave nearly flattened me. I don't know what Jason did, but... "Ah!" I didn't think I could take much more. "Jason! Jason, please!"

I don't know what I expected him to do. I felt his forehead lean against mine and that was it. I exploded. A messy massacre of heat and pleasure everywhere.

I honestly thought that was it. I was dead. Jason's ever-present kisses on my face begged to differ. I gasped back to life as he continued to move inside of me. I was alive but barely. It felt like I could die again at any moment.

"Kiki..." Jason moaned out. Oh. There I went again. It wasn't as violent that time. A more proper orgasm. I gasped as I felt Jason twitch inside as he finished up as well.

"Ah," Jason breathed. He pulled out and rolled the condom off. A tired smile played on his face. "Feel better?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. He kissed the corners of my eyelids. As he settled into bed next to me.

I was exhausted. The warmth of Jason wrapped around me was intoxicating. This all must have been my imagination. It had to have been. Because right as I drifted off to sleep, I could have sworn I heard a person whisper, "I love you."

So it was a dream. Just another dream. Great. Just fantastic. That'd make it that much harder when I woke up in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up in a soft panic. What was going on?

"Meow," came the sound again.

I could feel tension on the sheets. There was a cat walking toward me. How did a cat get into my apartment?

"Meow," she called again. I squirmed to release my arm from under the covers. I reached out and petted her.

"Where did you come from?" I asked. She purred and nuzzled against my body.

I smiled. She was a beautiful cat. I just wondered where she came from. I don't remember leaving my door open last night. Her orange fur contrasted beautifully with the blue walls. Wait, this wasn't my room...

Oh my god, where was I? The cat wasn't a stray. I was. My panic caused me to flail trying to get out of the bed.

I felt skin. I felt a lot of skin. Under the covers. With me. Oh god, I wasn't alone. I hesitated before I decided to look to my other side.

Jason? Dr. Karpusi? What was he...

Okay, the orange cat wasn't the only one either. Two more cats were crawling all over Jason. One decided to lay on his face. How on earth could he sleep like that?

Wait, could he breathe? I think his mouth was covered. Oh god, I had to do something!

Jason's arms came out from under the covers and grabbed the cat on his face. He groaned, sat up, and set the cat on the ground.

"Down kitty," he said groggily.

He was awake. Well, sort of. I don't think he had opened his eyes yet. He settled back on his pillow.

"Mmm, good morning, Kiki."

I was speechless. So last night hadn't been a dream? I think I was starting to get a headache.

"Hangover?" he asked.

"Maybe," I sighed. Maybe that was why my mind was still in the clouds.

"Hmm." He kissed my forehead and then got up. "Hold on. I'll get you something."

"Wait, you don't have to get up!" I said.

Too late. He was up. He was naked. I could see everything.

"Don't worry. I'll be right back," he said. All three cats followed after him.

I debated whether I should get up too. But if I got up, I'd be naked, right? Yep, I was naked. What if my psychiatrist saw me naked?

I looked at the clock at his bedside. It was two o'clock in the afternoon. I couldn't remember the last time I slept in that late. It felt fantastic. I stretched out my limbs to help wake them up.

"You drink tea, right?" Jason said as he came back. "I put some honey in it. It should help make you feel better.

"Th-thank you," I said. I pulled the sheets higher up to offer extra coverage. He didn't seem to mind being naked. Was he an exhibitionist or something? I mean, he had good reason to be proud of how he looked, but...

He handed the mug to me and circled around to the opposite side of the bed. He crawled back under the covers. It looked like he was going to go back to sleep.

It gave me a bit of time to think through the situation. I sipped on the tea. I could have sworn it had been a dream, that it had all been in my head.

"Did we really sleep together?" I wondered out loud.

"That we did," Jason mumbled. I really hadn't expected him to respond. "Did you think it was a dream or something?"

"Wouldn't be the first time..." Wait, did I say that out loud too? Why couldn't I just shut up?

"That sounds kinky," Jason said. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me. "Was I sexy?"

"Wh-what?" I said.

"In your dream. Was I sexy?" he asked again.

"Um...uh, were those your cats? I hadn't noticed them before. I didn't know you were a cat person." There was really a lot I didn't know about Jason.

"Yeah, I love cats. The apartment only let's me keep three though."

"They're beautiful. What are their names?" I asked.

"Kitty, Kitty, and Kitty."

I managed to crack a smile. "Very creative," I commented.

"It makes it easier to call them. All I have to say is 'Here, kitty, kitty kitty,' but you're avoiding the question."

I was embarrassed that he caught me, but I still wasn't quite ready to answer. "Jason?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmm?" he responded.

"What exactly...what's going on between us?" I put the half empty mug on his night stand. "I know you obviously take sex a lot more casually than I do, but what exactly are we at this point? I'm sorry I have to make things so complicated between us," I apologized.

"You didn't make things complicated, Kiki," Jason said.

That really did the opposite of making me feel better. "So is this it?" I had ruined everything.

"Is what it?" Jason asked.

"Should I just leave?" The questions were almost physically painful to ask.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Jason said. "To me, it's pretty simple," he explained. "Kiki, I like you. A lot. I also like having sex with you a lot. It feels good to be with you. So the real question is...do you like me?"

He opened his eyes to gage my reaction. With all things inconsideration, the answer was a no brainer. The fact that I had left myself open to him this much was plain enough. "Yes," I answered.

"Good..." he said. He then took the initiative to climb on top of me, the blankets and sheets still draped over his back. "Did you like having sex with me?"

He knew I was to embarrassed to answer this one. He kissed me provocatively until the truth escaped my lips. "Oh god yes."

He grinned at his accomplishment. "Does it feel good to be with me?"

One of his hands curved down my body and caressed the places he knew I couldn't resist. I had a feeling I knew where this line of questioning was going. "Mmmm, yes." It was getting harder to talk.

"See, it looks like we're on the same page," he said. He started kissing down my neck.

"But, we hardly know each other," I said. I proceeded to lock my fingers in his hair.

"Plenty of time for that later. We can take all the time in the world," Jason said. His kisses got slower, drawing pleasure from every part of me. He stopped and kissed my lips when he heard my breath hitch.

"Just one more question before we get back to business," Jason said. He had a smirk on his face. "Am I sexy in your dreams?"

I groaned. "Too much for your own good," I admitted.

He laughed and started kissing down my skin again.

And in that blissful moment, I truly believed that life wasn't that bad. I didn't know what was going to happen, and that was okay. I still didn't quite know what I was doing, and that was okay. This wasn't what I expected, and it certainly wasn't usual, but I loved every minute of it.


	7. Chapter 7

I smiled to myself and flipped through another page in the old manga volume. I heard the sounds of paws as they landed on the table. I took another sip of tea to help wake me up. I looked back to the book and found Kitty was laying on top of it, demanding my attention. I chuckled to myself as I stroked her soft fur.

Jason and I had been going out for about a month, if you could call it that. We mostly just stayed in. And what was strange is that I really didn't mind. It felt really natural to be with him, be it a bit strange and sudden.

I was suddenly wrapped in a dark, warm embrace. I recognized the sheets that were draped over my head and shrouded out the light. An exhausted groan was muffled into the skin at my neck.

I hummed back at him. I reached my hand back to caress his cheek. I felt a slight stubble on Jason's face. "Aw, you didn't have to get up."

"Come back to bed." Even his voice sounded tired. "It's too early."

I laughed. "I've got to go to work! I have bills to pay."

He groaned again at that. I'm pretty sure he still had nightmares about his student loans. I turned my head so he could kiss me. His lips played slow and sweet against mine. "Okay. Have a good day, babe," he said. He backed away and took the sheets with him.

"What are you going to do today?" I asked before he went back to the bedroom. I finished up my tea.

"Sleep. I've got a few appointments, but they're not until the afternoon," he yawned. He gave me a little wave from under the sheets. "I'm going to aim for another sex dream."

"Oh well, good luck," I said. I didn't have time to waste being embarrassed. I smoothed down my new bed head. I grabbed my lint roller from my purse and rolled it down my slacks to get all the cat hair off. I double checked to see if I grabbed everything and headed off to work.

* * *

I wouldn't say that life had gotten easier because it hadn't. With Monica planning her wedding and me spending so much time with Jason, a lot of my time was already spent up. I guess I just finally learned to manage my stress better. I spent more time doing things I actually enjoyed instead of worrying about the things I couldn't control.

I didn't stay late at work anymore, but I was always sure to say goodbye to Monica before I left. I opened the door to her office quietly. She was looking dreamily through one of those wedding magazines.

"Monica..." She quickly closed the magazine and shoved it into her desk. She relaxed a bit when she saw it was just me. "I just wanted to tell you I was heading out."

"Oh," she said and nodded her head once. "Okay. Good work today, Kiki."

I smiled. "Have you and Feli decided on a date?" I asked.

Monica smiled back, the dreamy look returning in her eyes. "April 6th. I'll have to start writing out invitations soon."

"Let me know if you need any help," I offered.

"Thanks Kiki. I think I want to do these myself. You have a nice night," she said.

I gave a nod and then headed home.

* * *

I checked my mail to find them just as I expected. Bills. I sighed. They shouldn't be so bad this time. I hadn't been spending as much time home. Still, I noticed a letter from the clinic. This was going to be a doozy.

Then again...I had to wonder. When had my appointments with Jason stopped? There was definite gray area. I opened up the letter to see if I could figure it out.

It showed the time when I made the appointment to see him to sign off on the note for Monica. The odd thing was, it looked like it had been nullified. There was a charge of zero dollars. After that, there was nothing. Nothing for all the other times I had seen him.

There must have been some mistake. This couldn't be right. Was it a clerical error? I decided not to go up to my apartment. Instead, I took the next bus to the clinic to get this all straightened out.

* * *

"Oh hello, Miss Honda!" Jason's blonde secretary, Maddie, greeted me. "Dr. Karpusi is busy right now."

"That's okay," I said. "I actually wanted to talk to you. I just got my bill today, and I was confused about a couple of things. Like why my first appointment was nullified and why I wasn't charged for the appointments after that."

"That is odd," Maddie said. Her brows furrowed as she searched through her computer. "I don't have any records of any other appointments for you." She scrolled through some more. "Dr. Karpusi will be done in a minute, so if you want to talk to him..."

"I'd rather not bother him..." I started. If he had work to do, I didn't want to distract him.

"Is there a problem, ladies? Anything I can help with?"

I assumed the mysterious person who approached us was a doctor. He had a long white lab coat which contrasted nearly on his dark tan skin.

"Dr. Adnan, Miss Honda was a patient of Dr. Karpusi, but her appointments aren't showing up on her medical bill," Maddie explained.

Dr. Adnan developed a stern look on his face. "Forgive me, Miss Honda, but how many appointments did you make with Dr. Karpusi at this clinic?"

"Just the one, I suppose." The other time I saw him at the clinic, I just sort of walked in there. "But we met other times outside the clinic."

"Outside the clinic..." It looked like he understood what was going on, and that didn't look like a good thing.

"I'm sorry, Miss Honda, for all of the confusion. We won't be charging you for those other 'meetings' you had with Dr. Karpusi. If you'll excuse me a moment, I'll have a little chat with him about it."

This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Dr. Adnan stormed off to Jason's office just as his patient was leaving. As soon as the door closed behind Dr. Adnan, I heard the sound of muffled yelling.

"Um, do you..." Maddie said suddenly. I was starting to get that panicky feeling after such a long time. "Do you want to hide behind my desk?" Maddie offered.

I crouched down without another thought as I heard the bang as Dr. Adnan left the office. I squeezed my eyes shut as I hid behind the desk.

"Where did she go?" I heard Dr. Adnan ask.

"She left," Maddie said coolly.

"Well, if she comes by again, tell her I'd recommend a change in psychiatrists. Give her my business card."

I heard the footsteps as he walked away.

"Are you going to be okay, Miss Honda?" Maddie asked.

She must have seen the terrified panic in my face. Oh god, what had I done?

"Y-yeah..." I said tentatively. I used her desk to bring myself back up. "I, um, I think I should probably go see Dr. Karpusi now."

Maddie didn't say anything as I went back to Jason's office.

He didn't look up when I came into his office. I shut the door behind me. There was a moment of silence when neither of us said anything.

"Jason...I'm really sorry," I started off. I prayed that he would be able to hear my sincerity.

"Kiki, why are you here?" Jason said. His words were harsh, but I was expecting them. "Just what do you think is going on between us?"

"I know, but..." I took a deep breath. I had hurt him even if that hadn't been my intention. I needed to calm down. There was only one way that I could make this better. I needed to just say it now. I needed to say it to him.

"I was just...confused. When I first met you, I had every intention of never seeing you again. But even in that one moment, I knew somehow that couldn't happen. I felt something I didn't believe to be possible. I was scared I was going insane, but I was desperate for that feeling not just to be in my head. So I called you and I met you again and... I liked it. I liked it more than I should," I said.

"I kept beating myself up about it because you were my psychiatrist and it was wrong," I admitted. "But it turns out being with you was the most natural, most wonderful thing in the world. Better than any scenario I could ever imagine. And so I was confused. I came because I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when you were more than just my doctor. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with you."

There I said it. I finally told him I loved him. I babbled out the rest in a desperate attempt to try to explain what I was doing here

"Andididn'tknowifyouthoughtthesamewayorifyoustillconsideredmeasjustapatient..."

"Kiki," Jason said bluntly. I went quiet. "Hasn't anyone told you not to spoil good things when they happen to you? Why in the world would you argue a bill when you weren't charged anything? That appointment was only a minute long for pity's sake. I can't charge you for that, especially not now!"

So, I really had spoiled everything. "I didn't know. I'm sorry..."

"Sit down," Jason said and he pointed to the couch. I obeyed. The panic was gone, but in exchange I really wasn't feeling anything. Just sort of lifeless.

"Kiki, the moment you stepped into my office, you wanted me to sign off on a note. Do you remember what that was?"

I couldn't respond. I blew it. I totally blew it.

"It was an official release statement. Once I signed it, you were no longer my patient. Kiki, I was your doctor for all of one minute before I declared there was nothing wrong with you."

What?

"Giving you my number, taking you out to dinner, that was all on my own accord. I never considered you my patient."

"Why?" I asked out loud.

He sighed and sat next to me on the couch. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Is it really so crazy that I fell in love with you from the first time we met?"

He loved me? I really hadn't imagined that? I could feel the relief seeping into me.

"There's something I haven't told you," Jason started again. "It has to do with why Dr. Adnan was so angry with me. Why you probably have very good reason to be angry with me. I've been with a lot of women."

I nodded. I had figured as much.

"A few of them had been my 'patients.' Women who'd rather be labeled crazy than be alone. I gave them what they wanted and broke it off when I got caught. It wasn't anything serious. Dr. Adnan thought I was screwing around with you as well, practically labeling me a prostitute. He said I was lucky you hadn't sued."

I shook that ridiculous notion out of my head. Jason and I weren't remotely like that. I really couldn't find myself to be angry. Just happy that he was with me. Jason loved me.

"Kiki," Jason took my hand. "You were never like any of those 'patients.' I love you. Our first night was the first that the phrase came from my lips. My only regret is that I didn't say it more so that you'd believe me. I don't care what that doctor thinks. It's none of his business. I just want you to believe that I love you more than anyone else."

I took his face in my hands and kissed him. I kissed him until I took his breath away. "I believe you," I breathed into him.

He kissed me insistently. "You could have gotten me in a lot of trouble, missy. But you did say you loved me, so I'll suppose I'll forgive you."

"Oh thank you, doctor," I said, giving more and more kisses of my own. Strangely enough, we seemed to be kissing our way to a more horizontal position on the couch.

"Keep talking like that and it'll be harder to convince the other doctors you're not actually my patient. They'll get jealous, you know?" Jason said in response.

"I'm sorry, doctor. I can't help it. You're driving me crazy," I said. I pulled him closer and accidentally undid the top few buttons on his shirt. He didn't take it as an accident of course. He pushed his hand up my shirt. In some corner of my mind, I vaguely hoped that the secretary would keep everyone away.

"Hmmm, sounds like you need to get your head examined," he played along. He proceeded to kiss his way around my face and burying his face in my hair.

"What's the diagnosis?" I asked.

"You need extensive treatment stat," Jason said. He pulled my shirt over my head and fished for the clasp of my bra. "You'll be at my place tonight, right?"

"I don't know," I teased him. "That would be five nights in a row if you don't include this little excursion. I need to go home at some point."

"Then, you should move in with me. That way, they're the same place," he said.

"Wait, Jason." I grabbed his face so he would pay attention instead of stripping me. "Are you serious? You really think we should move in together?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Why not? I love you. I love sleeping with you. If you move in, we can do both as much as we want. How does that sound?"

I kissed him enthusiastically and grinned when I broke away. "Sounds like just what the doctor ordered."

He grinned right back. "Then we better get started."


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you sure I look okay?" Monica asked for about the fifth time today.

"You look beautiful," I insisted.

Monica's wedding dress elegant and simple. She adjusted the wide white straps on her shoulders. Her back was left mostly exposed. The back line scooped nearly down to her waist. Leaf detailing framed her pale skin.

Monica took a deep breath and slipped her feet into her silvery sandals. Her eyes went wide as she thought of something else that could go wrong. "Kiki! Would you check on Feli? Make sure he's here and everything. I know he had his bachelor party last night..."

"I'm on it, Monica," I said.

She gave me a smile and I made my way out of the dressing room. Now the question was, where was I going to find Feli?

"Kiki! I've been looking for you!"

I turned around and was immediately swept up in a tight embrace. I let out a huff as the breath was knocked out of me by the enthusiastic hug.

"Feli, God damn it, slow down!" a voice further away shouted.

Well, at least I found the groom...

"Oh Kiki, thank you!" The enthusiastic Italian redhead finally let me go. Feli's brother and best man, Romano, pulled him back and finished putting on Feli's cuff links

"What did I do?" I asked.

"You're the one who convinced Monica to marry me!" Feli said with a happy smile on his face.

"It was nothing really..." I tried to play it off.

"Monica is always telling me what a great friend you are! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Of course she's here, you idiot! She's the freaking maid of honor," Romano said.

"Now come on! The ceremony's about to start."

"Oh!" Feli said as he was getting pulled away by his brother. "How's Monica? Are her feet cold?"

"Her feet are just fine," I said with a small smile.

He grinned at that. "Good! Fantastico! Tell her I love her! I'll be waiting!" he shouted as he was pulled out of sight.

I stepped back into Monica's dressing room.

"Feli's ready," I announced.

"I heard." Monica's face was flushed. She nervously smoothed down the skirt of her dress.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Yeah," she sighed happily. She couldn't help the smile that slid onto her face.

I grabbed both her bouquet and mine as I held the door open for her. She looked both ways before she stepped out, making sure that the coast was clear of her soon-to-be husband. He wasn't supposed to see her until she was walking down the aisle.

"It's all clear," I commented. I handed her flowers off to her.

"Good. That means everyone is where they're supposed to be," Monica said.

Romano met us just outside the auditorium of the chapel. He looked Monica up and down. "Not bad. You spruce up nicely. You actually look pretty today. My brother's a lucky bastard."

Monica looked confused by the sudden, backwards praise. "Oh. Thank you, Romano."

"It's nothing," Romano said, slightly embarassed. "Let's just get this thing over with."

I was surprised as he suddenly hooked his elbow around mine. The procession was already in progress. It was almost our turn to get in line behind the important family members. It was only a small wedding, so Romano and I were the only groomsman and bridesmaid. That only meant more pressure on me to get this right. I took deep breaths.

"Hey, are you going to be alright?" Romano whispered before we made our entrance.

"I'll be fine," I whispered back. I'd be okay once I saw him.

I stepped into the room practically full of strangers. As I stepped forward, I saw a few other people from work. Feli was in the front waiting anxiously for his bride. And then I saw him. Sitting a few rows from the front, Jason...was falling asleep.

I tried my hardest not to laugh as we passed by. As if he sensed my presence, Jason jolted awake. I could feel his eyes on my back as I went to the front. I turned around to find that he was staring at me. Even when the bridal tune started and everyone stood up, he had his eyes fixed on me.

I took Monica's bouquet from her as she hooked her arm around Feli's. He smiled brilliantly at his bride. My smile turned tight lipped from the attention, though I knew only one set of eyes would be fixed on me.

* * *

"Th-there's people watching," I stuttered out. Jason's hands traversed across the thin, dark blue silk at the waist of my dress.

"Then, let's go someplace where they aren't," Jason said. His lips continued to kiss at my neck.

"But, it's rude to leave a wedding early," I argued.

He grabbed my hips and spun me around so I was facing him. He kissed me and pushed himself closer.

"Jason...Jason..." I said as I was forced to step backward. We were getting dangerously close to the dance floor.

He spun around me and grabbed my hand. He tugged on my arm and pulled me in all the way.

"Jason!" I protested.

"Oh come on, Kiki! It'll be good for you," Jason insisted.

His hand went to the small of my back as he lead me around the dancing area. He twirled me under his arm and I let out a laugh.

"See, that wasn't so bad. You've got to dance at weddings, Kiki. It's like a rule or something."

"A rule, huh? I guess I've finally fulfilled all of my maid of honor duties, then," I said.

"Not quite," Jason said with a smirk. "There's still one more thing, but don't worry. I'll help you out."

"Oh? And what am I forgetting?" I asked.

Jason's smile just got wider. "Everyone knows that the maid of honor has to get laid."

I flushed bright red, and Jason laughed. He kissed my cheek. "Man, I love it when you do that."

"Kiki!" a loud voice called out to me.

I was wrapped up in the strong embrace of my boss. Her breath smelled like champagne.

"I just wanted to thank you for everything. I don't think I could have done any of this without you," she said.

"I'm sure you could," I reassured her.

"Oh, you're so sweet." She looked like she was practically in tears. To my shock, she placed a long kiss on my cheek.

"Alright, Monica. Save some for your husband," Jason directed the drunk bride.

"Feli!" She spun around as if she remembered something. Luckily, she was caught in the arms of her husband. She immediately started planting kisses on his cheeks.

"I love you," she slurred out.

"I love you too, Monica," Feli said with a laugh. "I think it's about time for us to go."

Feli nodded to each of us. "Thank you both for coming. We really appreciate it."

"Have a good night," I said.

"Oh, I will," Feli said. He grinned and then guided his wife away to say goodbye to the other guests.

"What did I just say?" I could feel the blush taking over my face. I must have drunk more glasses than I realized.

Jason laughed gently and then kissed my cheek. "Come on. Let's get you home."

* * *

"I saw you nodding off during the ceremony," I said. Our hands swung together as we made our way slowly through the hallway. "Did you sleep last night?"

"Nah, we drank all night then sort of crashed at Romano's place," Jason said. He had gone to the bachelor party last night. It had been one of the few nights that we didn't sleep together. "How did you sleep?"

"I managed alright," I said. I honestly slept better with him there, but I didn't want him to worry.

He squeezed my hand. "So, how are you holding up with the wedding and everything? Still feeling left out?"

That's right. We had talked about that our first night together. I shook my head. "Not really," I admitted. "I've got you. That's good enough for me."

He kissed me sweetly. He gave me a look then opened up the door.

We were immediately greeted by Kitty, Kitty, and Kitty. The gray Kitty was practically climbing all over me. I picked him up and noticed there was something under his collar.

It was a folded up piece of paper. How in the world did he get that? I carefully unfolded the message.

"Will you meow-y me?" I read out loud.

"Sure. I don't mind," Jason responded.

I whipped around to find him kneeling behind me. I used my hands to cover my mouth.

"I know it's only been a few months, but I love you, Kiki. I want you more than anything. So, do you..."

I nodded frantically. I could feel tears of happiness streaming down my face. Jason shot up and picked me up in the process. He spun our way into the apartment and kissed me.

"I was afraid I was a bit soon. I mean, I've never even met your familly..."

"Oh, my mom will love you." I wiped my face. "You're a doctor."

"What about you? Do you love me?" Jason asked.

I answered his question by throwing myself into another kiss. "More than anything."


End file.
